I GUESS IT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME

I mean life. Life just doesn't work for me.
It's not that I'm negative about it, actually it's the other way around - I love life! It just seems like it doesn't love me. If I'd be honest to myself, I would say that I also don't do anything for it to be better, but of course I won't blame me.
The thing is, a lot of things aren't working out for me. My future seems so uncertain and I can't find a way that will work for me, that will make me happy. I just see compromises, and I don't want that, because it leaves me unhappy and uncompleted. My whole year was a big compromise! I wanted to study Management and Economics (I must admit, it was also not exactly the thing I wanted, but it was the thing I looked the most forward to, because I ecpected the most out of it) but I wasn't able to study it because of my own stupidy - and my brother's way to tell me I'm not doing things right but also don't want to tell me the right thing - so I studied business mathematics with the expectation that there will be special courses for it, like mathematic for business people. Needless to say I was never so wrong in my life. It turned out I went to the same courses like normal mathematic students. Soon I realized that it's definetely nothing for me! I'm not stupid (I guess?) but that is waaay to hard! I don't the point in studying something I'm not interested in, I don't want to and I'm not happy with. Thus I applicated to all universities that are near my hometown, for every subject I'm interested in. Guess how many confirmations I got? Right, none. I decided to attempt a second start with business mathematics.... and nothing changed. Still too hard, still not interested, still unhappy. So that was the second compromise! The third compromise I did just few minutes ago. I wrote an application for a bookshop. One year ago I did an internship in this one, and I liked it, but I also realised I didn't want to do it for the rest of my life. But here I am! Writing an application for it! Just another compromise in my life.
Some may say I'm not working hard enough but what should I work for? I can't see anthing worth working for. I don't think it's worth fighting for something that makes you unhappy. And I don't see anything reachable that will make me happy. My new background for my phone is: 'If you can't stop thinking about it, don't stop working for it.', it's nice, right? I can't stop thinking about this blog, but I can't imagine it will finance me, just like I can't imagine I will be succesful with it. Both go hand in hand. Should I still work for it? And see what happens? I always think it's too late, I should have been more stable with my posts 3 years ago. Then I think: there are a lot of singers and actors out there, and still new ones make it. I guess I just have to try it... but it will need time, and I'm afraid I won't have enough.